Down. Downright ugly, useless...depressing. I feel as if my feet were molded into a concrete block and I'm thrown out to see without a life jacket on, hitting the crashing waves of an impending storm.

Ever had that feeling that there's so much pressure that all you want to do is crumble under it all into countless pieces, dissolve and dissipate into the bliss of nothingness?

That just about sums up how I feel right now. I hate it when my team isn't doing well despite my best efforts...okay, maybe not the best, but better efforts. I mean, I've already gone through another week of pure hell. Papers, reports, forecasts...and not one was going well. The bags under my eyes are double the size of my eyes...and they're getting darker too. I've only slept for 3 hours yesterday because I had to prepare a presentation for a client.

I feel like I'm slowly sinking into a bog.

Then, there's the house issue. I hate it when a raving lunatic gets loose in this house and just about disses everyone that crosses her path. I mean, what did I do to deserve that tongue-lashing? Isn't it sooo immature to pick on someone just so you can release a little steam? But who am I to talk back or even show her just how ridiculous she is that she's becoming frustratingly annoying? Hopeless...just hopeless.

Tell me, life just can't get any worse than this.

2 weeks without writing...I missed venting out here. I really did. It feels so good to let it all out through writing...even though getting to read it right before relives the pain a little bit before it goes away. Aren't I grateful that I'm a tub of lard who obviously is too HAPPY for my own good? Imagine if I were some emotional breakdown-er. With how fate plays with me, just IMAGINE how the scenario would look like...

It used to be that my favorite word in the English language was velleity, meaning "the desire to do something that isn't strong enough to make you actually get up off your ass and do it."

No more.

Because last week I learned the word ucalegon, meaning "a neighbor whose house is on fire."

I want to become an arsonist just so as to be able to use this word.

I mean, I already had a velleity to become an arsonist. But the prospect of being able to call the annoying people who live next door ucalegons might just push me over the edge into action.

hoy.... cumple de martuki... y segovia.. tol puto dia hablando con rocio hablando de nuestros problemas..... me e liao con miguel.... sin comentarios.. hahahaha sexual favours and fuck friends hahaha k putas risas... luego por la tarde hemos ido al dreams con el bulldog y ET hahahaha sido la puta ostia... ucar es el año con las tias hahaha pero solo con las mayores jajaa

ESTOS DIAS ESTAN SIENDO LA OSTIA... chantel tkm!! hehe y a mi elenita la adoro!!

ET... MI CASA....

You know I've got my own life and I bought everything that's in it
So if you wanna be with me it ain't at all about the bling you're bringin'
I want a love that's for real
And without that-no deal
And baby I don't need a hand if it only wants to grab one thing

The more you try the less I bite
And I don't have to think it through
You'll know if I'm feelin' you

A butterfly was in love with a white rose, one day the butterfly proposed to the rose.. the white rose told him that when she turns red, that's the only time she'll love him..the butterfly then flew, cut his body & spread his blood on the rose.. the rose turned red and fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly was no longer alive... Love sacrifices are sometimes useless specially if that someone doesn't know how to appreciate,he will realize the value of things when its already too late....

Did I say my head hurts like hell? Yes it hurts like hell. I could not explain the amount of pain but it was there, gawking at me. I banged my head into the wall and felt a brief ease. Then I did it again hoping to prolong the relief but it didn’t come. Pain is inevitable but this kind was hitting the depths of my bones. It was slashing my senses to its lowest level. I thought I could outgrow such pain but I didn’t. I have invented ways of lessening the pain like putting cubes of ice on my head or pushing my temples with a cold schooner but it stayed like sordid fiend inside a pit’s hell.

Medical science referred to such sickness as migraine. It is a recurrent, throbbing, very painful headache, often affecting one side of the head and sometimes accompanied by vomiting or by distinct warning signs including visual disturbances. I call it the devil’s drum. It’s as if I’m in hell and the devil is pounding my head repeatedly. It won’t leave me even though I beg him to stop.

I was never inclined in drinking medicine when I feel something is wrong inside me, whether it’s cold or just a slight fever. I usually let it passed. In restraining all sort of pain, I have learned one important thing: it’s ephemeral. It’s worthy noting that pain is like a child having its tantrums and needs immediate attention. It’s inevitable but it’s also temporary so we learn to outgrow it. It anaesthetized us until pain no longer holds us.

Unfortunately, I have never outgrown the pain. Banging my head on the wall was good only for quite sometime. Soon it’s failing me. I used to sleep when I have it but it kills my attention. It’s pulling me down and I have no choice but to be pulled. Throbbing won’t leave unless it completes it’s routine. I do not have the slightest idea how many rounds before it ends but it was like an eternity.

Life has been so rude the past few months; it’s draining my guts. It’s such a scary world. Being disdainful covers a lot of fresh wounds especially if you’re refuting the truth. But truth hurts and now I’m paying the price.

I got tired of banging my head on wall and still wouldn’t want to resort to drinking medicine. I am currently inventing safe means to ease the pain. Hopefully, I would be endorsing it soon.

Just another chapter...